When There Was Us
by CyanIllusions
Summary: Songfic. Character death, YEAH YEAH SOBNESS. Go be emo somewhere else. Rated for language and mild violence. Flames accepted, but not about shipping.


**(I don't really know where this came from. I'm sure someone has done a songfic of this before, but I'm a loser who got inspired by it when I got it on LimeWire. D**

**I OWN NOTHING. THAT MEANS CHARACTERS, OR THE SONG/LYRICS. Actually, I do own a pair of glasses. But that's about it. 8D)**

_  
Hope dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption  
Winding in and winding out  
The shine of it has caught my eye  
_

Zuko contemplated, fingering the necklace silently as he leaned back in his chair. As he ran his fingers over the smooth stone set in the fine jewelry, his thoughts wandered back to a certain EarthBender. He relaxed his grip on the thin coil of string and allowed the necklace to slip through his hand slightly before his grip tightened and it hung before him.

_And roped me in  
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing  
I am captivated_

It swung like the pendulum of a grandfather clock, each rotation mocking him silently. And, although it hurt to even look at it, he couldn't tear away his gaze. It held him, taunting him, and his eyes followed it as it slowed it's swinging before rocking to a stand-still. Just like her life. Rocking on(no pun intended, of course) normally and smoothly, yet constantly taunting him with something he couldn't have, before slowly and painfully stopping, right before his eyes.

But no.. He refused to feel guilty about her death. She wouldn't have wanted that.

He had made peace with that, at least.

_I am Vindicated  
I am selfish  
I am wrong  
I am right  
I swear I'm right  
I swear I knew it all along_

His was vindicated in that sense, and no matter what Katara or Sokka or even Aang said, he refused to believe any different. Katara had called him selfish for that, and deep down he agreed with her. Of course he was selfish. But he was only selfish with the ones he loved-- He wanted them to be with him always and to be near him at all times, as if afraid they would simply vanish as his back was turned.

But they all knew he was right in one thing, at least. She wouldn't have wanted any of them to brood in her death, especially Zuko. Her dieing words to Aang where "I'm sorry," and after that the Avatar figured out what she had meant by the way Zuko had sobbed over her(he had never seen the soon-to-be FireLord cry, not once) and the way she cupped his cheek with her bloody hand before death.

Of course Aang was depressed, and even infuriated. He had every right to be. After all, **HE** had been the one to propose, not **ZUKO**. But, in time, he accepted it and moved on. After all, he had a war to end and a world to save. In the end, it wouldn't really matter. He'd die, be reincarnated, and the next Avatar wouldn't remember anything about Toph. It was a cynical way to look at things, but after Toph died, Aang was always pessimistic and cynical, if not determined to destroy Ozai.

_And I am flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself_

As Zuko set down the necklace with a sigh, he remembered exactly what happened after Toph came and told him Aang had proposed. He remembered the pain when she asked him weather to accept or not, and the utter temptation to say no. But he couldn't do that to her. He remembered telling her that she needed so much more then a banished prince, and that she should go ahead and say yes. After all, the Avatar had beaten him to popping the question.

But then, he also remembered that Toph told him that _she_ wasn't worth _him_, which surprised him, seeing as how that was totally out of character for the Blind Bandit. But all her emotions had finally boiled over and she had abandoned the calm mask. She had, in exact words, told him that he was 'an idiot pussy who had abandonment issues, was to angsty, and was WAY to self-degrading.'

Needless to say, after that he was pretty sure she was the same Toph. That sounded like a very Toph-thing to say.

But still, he couldn't help but feel a small sense of pride as he put his chin in one hand and blinked down at the letter before him, on which the necklace was now resting. After three years, three long years of rebellions and attempted assassinations, he couldn't help but see the qualities that Toph claimed he had rising up-- the ability to lead, to keep a calm face in conflict, to know when aggression or compassion is needed. She swore that she could see those things in him.

And he realized something as he became dimly aware of the soft knocking on his study door.

Toph might have been blind, and young, but she knew as much about him in the four years the group had been together as Iroh had struggled to figure out Zukos' whole life.

_So clear  
Like the diamond in your ring  
Cut to mirror your intentions  
Oversized and overwhelmed  
The shine of which has caught my eye  
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated  
I am certain now that_

_I am Vindicated  
I am selfish  
I am wrong  
I am right  
I swear I'm right  
I swear I knew it all along_

And I am flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

Zuko ignored the knocking, and soon it stopped and he heard soft foot-steps retreating. He turned his gaze from the letter and the necklace to the candle, which was also on his desk. He watched it intently as it flickered and twisted, thinking back even more.

(and here we go into flashback, which will be in italics, but it's not part of the song. XD)

_Zuko watched in amazement as Toph showed the ring to Katara, who twittered on and on and on, as Katara was tend to do. Toph, however, seemed much less excited, yet her trade-mark smirk was plastered to her face, obviously pleased with the reaction._

_Sokka watched in equal fascination. " Where the hell did Aang get a diamond that big?" the warrior asked dumbly, his jaw dropping. Zuko turned and growled, walking away, followed by Sokka. Zuko glared at the ground and muttered, " Better question. How could he afford it? That must have cost a butt-load of our money for supplies."_

_A voice behind them made them jump. " D'awww. Is Princess jealous?" Toph mocked, slinging her arm casually over Zukos' shoulder as if nothing had ever happened between them. In fact, Zuko marveled at her ability to 'forget' nothing ever happened around the others, then suddenly 'remember' it all when they were alone._

_Zuko growled at this and glared at the blind young-women, how sensed his displeasure and smirked all the wider. " Does ickle Zu-Zu want a big engagement ring like Tophs'?" she continued as Sokka blinked in confusion. What the HELL was going on with these two?_

_The banished prince would never admit it, but seeing that ring on her finger made him angry, guilty, and overwhelmed at the same time. Angry because Aang had her and he didn't, guilty because he wanted her in the first place, and overwhelmed because what was going on was finally catching up to him._

_Toph--HIS TOPH-- was getting married. To someone that wasn't him. And that feeling of rejection, even if he had brought it on himself, hurt. A lot._

(end flash-back)

Zuko blinked and realized the candle which he had been staring at was almost out. How long had he been daydreaming? He coughed softly and rubbed his eyes for a couple seconds before blowing out the candle and replacing it with one from his drawer. He snapped his fingers and the candle lit, and he smirked smugly. Being a FireBender was fun.

_So turn  
Up the corners of your lips  
Part them and feel my finger tips  
Trace the moment, fall forever  
Defense is paper thin  
Just one touch and I'd be in  
Too deep now to ever swim against the current  
So let me slip away_

_So let me slip away_

_So let me slip away  
So let me slip against the current  
So let me slip away_

_So let me slip away_

_So let me slip away_

_So let me slip away…_

His smirk died as he thought back the his last moments with her, right after Azula attacked.. He shook his head, as if trying to clear away the thoughts, but they kept slapping at his brain and forcing him to remember. He sighed and glared down at his scared hands, which were clenched into fists. If only he hadn't been distracted by Mai.. she might have lived..

(YET ANOTHER FLASHBACK LOL)

(no it's not of the fight, losers. I suck at fight-scenes. TO BAD. LOLOLOLOL.)

_Zuko shook slightly as he gripped one of her pale hands and caressed her forehead with one of his rough thumbs. She chuckled darkly and asked, " Did we win?"_

_He couldn't bear to say no, so he lied. " Of course, Toph. We always win." She chuckled again and muttered, " You're a damn-bad liar, Zu-Zu. They just escaped, we didn't win.. I might be dieing, but I can still feel vibrations."_

_He choked up on that. " You aren't dieing, Toph.. It's not that bad."_

_Even though her eyes showed no emotion, her face contorted into disbelief and disgust. " Like HELL I'm not dieing. I was hit in the damn side with a damn lightening bolt, then I was paralyzed, THEN I was shot at, **THEN** that damn ninja-chick threw knives at me. LIKE-FRIGGIN-HELL I'm not dieing."_

_Zuko winced. That was true.. Toph had been dubbed the biggest threat after she nearly snapped Ty Lee in half that one time. It was no wonder Azula, Ty Lee, Mai and the Yu-Yan archers(how the hell did Azula manage to get them, anyway?) went after her first. _

_Zuko heard her let out a low whine and gaped at her. Toph had never really shown her weakness to anyone, even him. Hearing that was like admitting fate. She continued letting out the low-pitched sound, like a wolf after it's caught in a hunters' trap and forced to bite it's own leg off to escape, and he felt like he was going to go insane._

_Just to make the sound stop, just so she wouldn't seem weak anymore(she hated being weak), his lips covered her in a last-ditch attempt to stop the pain. He poured all his love and passion into that one last kiss, as if hoping he could keep her alive just by loving her._

_But then, if love kept people alive, Sokka and Katara would still have their mother. Aang would still have the other monks. Zuko would still have his own mother. But love doesn't keep people alive. It never has. It never will._

_But still, she leaned upwards slightly into the kiss, a smirk still planted firmly through her lips. Zuko wrapped one arm around her neck and allowed a half-swallowed sob to escape his throat. He didn't want to let her know how afraid he was._

_Zuko pulled away after he heard someone rushing towards them, and turned to see Aang crashing through the trees, screaming, " TOPH! TTTOOOPPPHHH!" He slowed to a stop and knelt down with Zuko, looking over Toph, who was smirking slightly, one hand holding her side as it bled constantly. Katara was still trying to find them, and Aang couldn't heal. _

_They were, to coin a phrase, screwed._

_Toph looked up at Aang with blind eyes and whispered, " I'm sorry, Twinkle Toes."_

_After that she leaned back and allowed Zuko to sob over her body. She reached up and cupped the side of his face in her bloody hand and opened her mouth to say something. But all that come out was a sigh, then a gurgle as crimson blood dripped from her mouth. After that, she fell limp in his arms as Zuko sobbed and Aang stared._

_Zuko whimpered. It felt like his soul died inside him with Toph, like part of him was gone forever. The only thing he could think to describe the feeling was trying to swim up-stream against the current. Like he couldn't help but get swept away into denial. _

(Skweeee, end flashback. START THE HATEING OF MEG NOW PLEASE.)

_I am Vindicated  
I am selfish  
I am wrong  
I am right  
I swear I'm right  
I swear I knew it all along_

And I am flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

No, he refused to feel guilty for that. He caught himself and growled softly. Toph wouldn't have wanted him to feel this way. That was one thing he wouldn't blame himself on.

He blinked and distinctly remembered that he was supposed to have lunch with the Earth Kingdom representative, a Lord Bei Fong, whom he knew for a fact was--get this-- Tophs' father. He also distinctly remembered that a servant was ordered to come get him when Lord Bei Fong arrived, and he suddenly realized that the person who knocked on the door was probably said servant.

" Shit!" he muttered, opening a drawer and pulling out some papers, while putting _in_ some papers that had already been on his desk. He hesitated when his hand strayed to the necklace.

He had never mentioned that in the hand Toph hadn't been clutching her side with she had held his necklace, and that jut before she died she had pushed it into his own hand. He never knew where she got it(she might have made it herself), but he knew that she wanted him to have it, and since then he had kept it with him at all times. It was.. 'lucky.'

He picked it up and held it by the string, allowing it to swing in front of him again. He looked at it tenderly as it swung, then placed it in a pocket of his robe, grabbed some scrolls and papers, and rushed out of the room.

_  
Slight hope  
It dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption..._

**(Ah, yes. It was pretty long for a oneshot/songfic, I know. Sorry. XD**

**I've had a sudden obsession with Toph lately, yet in all my fics I end up killing her. Maybe it's because I'm a cynical beeyatch who likes to cause pain. **

**Also, I know it didn't really explain much, but I've been thinking about this since I heard the song on YouTube about two weeks ago. Damn plot bunnies.**

**Also also, I'm sorry I swore so much. I don't usually talk like that. subway'd**

**OK, DUDES. Because none of my real friends seem to get this, the ages are like so:**

**Toph is 16, Aang is 16, Katara is 18, Zuko and Sokka are 20. **

**And since you wonder why they're so old, yet the war is still going on, it's something like this:**

**Yes, they stop the comet. But they weren't able to defeat Ozai, so they retreated and continued training until they were strong enough to kill him. As you can see, it might take a while. XD''''**

**Yeah, I'll take flames. But please remember I'll reply back. And I won't be nice. I have a very short temper, you know.)**


End file.
